Mcdeez0rz

Matthew McDaniel, more commonly known as “Mcdeez0rz”, is currently the disposed, ex–president of the Science Club. He is also a well–known wheeler and dealer of “muffins”.

–– A Tragic Beginning ––

Matthew McConaughey McDaniel was born on the 27th of October, 1984, to Mrs. Van Bueno and J. Berry Topp-Eichelberger. He was the result of a scandalous night involving grapefruit liquor and prescription meds belonging to bTopp. Immediately following his birth was the long–drawn custody battle between his mother and father. In the end, his father, bTopp, was granted full custody due to a lap–dance given to Judge Judy. Mcdeez0rz grew up in the care of bTopp and during his tumultuous childhood, he was exposed to the reckless lifestyle of his father; he soon became quite the wild–child. At the age of 5, he began using cocaine. After 5 months of using the drug, he invented the crack pipe so he would not ruin his delicate nose by snorting. He then began working with his half–brothers, Scott Tomás and Eric Pauline Van Bueno, and they soon began a small enterprise, selling cocaine and crack pipes. However, the business soon closed when the local police arrested Scott and Eric for child molestation. With his mentors gone, Mcdeez0rz returned home to his father. Nevertheless, he could not forget his wild–child ways and when he turned 7, he discovered his newest addiction: Stacy Ann Ferguson, also known as “Fergie”. He was amazed by all her unnatural curves and began stalking the 18–year–old singer. He was in luck. During this time, Fergie was going through a sex and drugs spree. Mcdeez0rz began doing crystal meth with Fergie and pretty soon, he was a sex maniac. After 3 years of living with Fergie, Mcdeez0rz was kicked out when Fergie joined the Black–Eyed Peas. He then returned to bTopp’s apartment in San Francisco. He forgot about his life with Fergie, but could not drop his coke and meth addictions.

–– A Pivotal Point ––

In 1991, bTopp entered Mcdeez0rz into the Little Mister USA beauty pageant. Mcdeez0rz received the top scores in every category, but failed to take home the title, because his opponent, Brian Cohen, the metrosexual, discovered that Mcdeez0rz had made some gay pornography during his stay with Stacy Ann. Cohen won the title, but was later assassinated by a disgruntled Mcdeez0rz–fan. In 1993, following bTopp’s arrest for possession of pirated pr0n and heroin, Mcdeez0rz moved in with his mother, Mrs. Van Bueno, who is also the birth mother of his mentors, Scott and Eric. He soon began to attend University High School after bribing current principal Stuart Baker with cookies and dinner dates. During his short high school career, he was made president of the UHS Science Club that sold special gourmet muffins. Nevertheless, during his first day of office, he was removed by his co–president and love interest, Mandy Lesbot.

Despite his relative success at school, in the middle of his junior year, he moved to Miami to pursue his dream as a tattoo artist. He worked at the Miami Ink shop under the hand of Ami James. Mcdeez0rz soon learned all the skills needed, so he then moved to Los Angeles to tattoo celebrities. Paris Hilton, John Travolta, Nicole Richie’s mother, and Karen O are among the many tattooed by the talented Mcdeez0rz. However, his business immediately ended after a sex tape he made with John Travolta was aired on YouTube.

–– Fame ––

His quick rise to fame and success ended in a bitter conclusion. Nonetheless, Mcdeez0rz refused to give up. He was featured on Dr. 90210 when he seeked the services of Dr. Rey, the Brazilian in–the–closet plastic surgeon. Mcdeez0rz received several treatments of Botox and a tummy tuck. After his metamorphosis, he decided to fulfill his dream to be a male model. He joined Elite Model Management and built up his portfolio. He failed miserably at beauty shots but thanks to his successful tummy tuck, he excelled at full body shots. He sent requests to designers such as Henry Holland, Nicholas Ghesquiere, Karl Lagerfeld, and TJ MaXXX. He was eventually accepted by Tarina Tarantino to model her new line of jewelry, as Mcdeez0rz was discovered to have feminine hands. He also did a spread in Lula magazine, but was only featured as an extra behind the lesbian Freja Beha Erichsen in the editorial. During his 10 years of modeling under Elite Model Management, he shot with Tyra Banks and Nick Knight but never as the main model. He was featured wearing a gas mask in “The Tomorrow Style” shot by Steven Klein for L’Huomo Vogue, a plumber in a Clorox advertisement, a rapist for an article in Ladies’ Home Journal, and a stableman for Equestrian Weekly. He also played minor roles in multiple TV commercials, such as Chad in the Alltel commercial. Eventually, in 2005, he gave up his dream to be a model. Now, instead, he centered on his obsession with Victoria Beckham.

Mcdeez0rz began following around Beckham when she was house–shopping for her move to Los Angeles. When she displayed an interest for miniature horses, he opened a miniature horse stable. He sold Beckham a chestnut stallion named Johnny Poopoopants. He not only made $1500 for the horse, but he was also in possession of Victoria Beckham’s personal interest. He began stalking her and soon, moved into her miniature horse’s stable. He fantasized about living with Beckham and after 3 months of stalking her, he poisoned David Beckham’s afternoon tea and biscuits. After David’s death, Mcdeez0rz took a shower, got a haircut, and proposed to Victoria Beckham. Due to her IQ of 79, she accepted and soon, Mcdeez0rz and Victoria moved into Paris Hilton’s empty West Hollywood mansion.

–– Disappearance ––

After living with Victoria Beckham for 34 years, Mcdeez0rz grew tired of the blonde’s voluptuous body and toothpick legs. He left her in 2006 and moved to Manhatten to attempt to revive his modeling past. However, he was denied by every model management in the United States, so he moved to Germany and was immediately picked up by Haagen Inc. He modeled for many corporations in Germany, such as Hebrew National, Haagen–Dazs Ice Cream, and Siemens AG. Nevertheless, Mcdeez0rz was unsatisified, as he had not yet made a splash into the world of high fashion. He underwent more plastic surgery. However, his surgeon was inexperienced and unreliable and Mcdeez0rz ended up with 36C cups. Ashamed of his experience, he returned to the United States. Currently, his whereabouts are unknown but it is rumored that Freddy Jones, the blonde 4th grader in School of Rock, strangely resembles Matthew Mcdeez0rz. Others, such as Perez Hilton, claim that he is currently working alongside Drama Dyrdek at Hamburger Central in Los Angeles. An additional group is convinced that he is the lead singer in the Saudi Arabian-imitated band, Group X. However, recently an anonymous tip was received by http://www.perezhilton.com/ claiming that Mcdeez0rz has actually moved in with Marc Anthony after being rejected by Fergie, Victoria Beckham, Mandy Lesbot, Mrs. Van Bueno, Zlex Whelan-Eichelberger, Jack Bauer, the Jonas Brothers, and Sig Hansen of the Northwestern fishing boat.