Nataliu: Chronicle of a Leader

You’ve heard of her. She’s probably flipped you off in the hall or 1337ed you via Facebook. Who is this mysterious president/assassin/n00b/h4xz0r you ask? The number of names is unknown, but you most likely know her as “Nataliu.”

== Early Years 1990-1992 ==

Upon unleashing from her mother’s womb, Natalie Amy “TM” “Mcdeez0rz” Liu was destined to thrive. Born to herself and Her mother and Her mother, this child had already proved herself unique. By the age of one she was already able to say “h4x” “n00b” and “me.” Her favorite reads included Vogue, The New Yorker, and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition. Following the fall of the Soviet Union her parents decided she needed to get out of Communist China and they brought her to the small farming town of Tucson. There they purchased a one story house equipped with everything a one-year-old needed.

== 1992-1997 ==

By the age of two, Nataliu had become an enormous baby. Her arms had grown to a full 10 inches or 3 times the diameter of her head. It is widely believed that this was due to massive protein levels stemming from her “snack” in the womb.

Following her indiscretion with an unknown virgin fly which resulted in hectotuplets, she decided radical change was needed. Her parents were ever convinced of her intellectual lapse since the births and forced her to watch the Discovery Channel, Lifetime, and the Food Network convinced that they would steer her away from all things non-sequitur and avante garde. This assumption was mistaken. A stunning occurance occurred when she acquired a Facebook several years before the idea was conceived. It is widely believed that she acquired the assistance of J Berry Topp in doing so. At age 5 she coined the phrase “Not Fair” following the breaking of her record for most 0s added to a name. Emotionally exhausted and her dreams crushed, she decided to turn her attention to something, or someone, else.

== The Golden Years and a Wale ==

While attempting to read Catch-22 via Facebook and Yahoo News, Natalie encountered an eloquent and fair prince whose genius mirrored her own. His name was Jon (admin). He was a proud Welshmen way to proud of his petty accomplishments and she was a rebounding rock star who needed guidance. It was as though Zeus himself cast the seal on the lid that was their love. Their fling was short lived however, as Nataliu decided she herself did not approve of such romance. Little did she know he would re-appear, almost as if fate had brought them together.

By this time Natalie had begun to race through elementary school. Her classical persona combined with her now 15 inch arms to make an unbeatable combination. She had already begun to teach her little sister “munchkin” the tricks of the trade. Then she finished elementary school and crawled crying and struggling into the inferno known as Magee Middle School.

== Turmoil and the Rise to Greatness ==

Following her brief tenure as a con artist/ TV producer, Natalie entered middle school reinvigorated about her life. By now to supplement her vast biceps she had grown to a height of 7’6” but still weighed 72 pounds. Desperate to learn, she became enthralled by a certain algebra teacher whose hairy knuckles, Wide-Open sitting stance, and jewelry captivated her imagination(lolololololololololololololololololololol Franz). She would go on to write several children’s short stories and even a graphic novel about a closet and a bridge with him as the main character. This is also when her love of science began, as it is widely recognized that Magee’s science department is the best in the world at any level.

After successfully removing her 95% share hold of Enron, she was crushed when her absolute favorite actress of all-time, Rosie O Donnell, came out of the closet. Natalie then traveled to Kennedy Space Center where she became the youngest person ever to travel into space. After a short fling with her eighth grade science teacher, Ms. Salzmann, Nataliu decides it is time for a radical change. She now became focused on her studies and quickly had a PhD in entomology where she began to work alongside current BFF Tom Tobin. While on a trek in the Amazon, Natalie discovered 24 new species of beetle; among these are the House beetle, the June beetle, the Nonfair beetle, and of course the most famous beetle of all times the dung beetle. She promptly received The Congressional Medal of Honor, which she mistook as a chocolate medallion and attempted to eat. After discovering no chocolate, she consumed the cardboard box it was awarded in. This is believed to be the world’s first instance of raw cardboard consumption.

While guest appearing on Iron Chef America, an accident with a bullet-less gun and some bullets left her paralyzed in her chest. A successful Operation performed by Robert Chase, M.D., and Gregory House, M.D., left her unharmed but shortened to her present height of 3’11”. To close out her middle school years, Natalie discovered a cure for cancer which was destroyed in transit to a series of tubes. She then went on to University High School, with such famed graduates as CTU Van Bueno and current small business owner Killer Smith.

== The Long Journey and a New Hope ==

By the time she entered high school, Natalie had become a full fledged Television star. She received cameos on such shows as: The Flintstones, Even Stevens, Party of Five, MASH, the A Team, Seinfeld, Mythbusters, I Love Lucy, Beverly Hills 90210, The Daily Show, and Judge Judy [where she attempted to take “back” her neighbors lawn mower]. She even had a lead role in a major motion picture, playing Shaquille O'Neal in Good Burger. Due to this busy schedule, her freshman year went by “ h4x quickly” as she put it in a 1992 interview with Dan Rather. She made a pivotal mistake when she referred to Bounce dryer sheets as “n00bish” as these had been patented by scientist Albert "The Rod" Eichelberger of UHS’s Self-made mathematics/bad-advice-ranting department.

Natalie entered her sophomore year free of worries as she had given up her career as an actress in favor of her studies. She learned the ways of the Gangster from ex All-Black Band member P.F. McAndrew. It was also during her sophomore year that she was reunited with her Great-Great grandson w00nizzle. Here she learned the ways of the chemical and instantaneously became completely enamored with the myriad things to know about chemistry. She was then nearly arrested for breaking into the Drama room in search of what she probably calls dihydrogen monoxide.

During that summer, she traveled to Costa Rica where she studied puffer fish with famed scribe Zlex Whelan-Eichelberger. She began her junior year at University High enthusiastic about the undisputed easiest class in the world, APUSH. Following her rise to greatness at a little known university called Stanford, she became further entangled with Biology. It was during her tenure as aide emeritus to one w00nizzle that she first acquired the nickname Mcdeez0rz. Following her ascension to President of Model UN, she was briefly overthrown by coup de etat mastermind Scott “The Rod” Van Bueno, who is to this day Supreme dictator. She again faced a crisis when her position as co-head of Science Club was compromised by the evil VB brothers who were not satisfied with there co-Vice President Appointments. Scott promptly overthrew her and long-time ally Mcdeezr0rz, but he was later removed from office by current president Eric “Buzz” Van Bueno [whose current whereabouts are unknown].

== End of a Dynasty ==

In the year 1/(0/0)^-0, following her forty third military dictatorship of Food Network Enterprises, Nataliu was suddenly struck by a poison dart. It was merely a minor inconvenience however due to her leather like skin she had stolen from a rhino back in 1968. While today she is unheard from, most scholars believe she is currently with the likes of Yoda, Elvis, DB Cooper, and Richard Nixon hiding somewhere in The Twilight Zone waiting for CBS to bring said show back.